Strong social connections are vital to our mental and physical wellbeing – they help us navigate stressors and give us the courage to overcome the challenges that we face. Positive relationshipsare pivotal for an individual’s happiness, productivity, and form the foundation of a person’s support system. As such, we must not take these relationships for granted. Instead, we need to learn how to continue building and maintaining such positive relationships with others.
As an overall guideline, a good way to start is for us to adopt the “Above and Below the Line” thinking. Has someone ever told you in the heat of an argument that you have “crossed the line”? In every domain of life, there’s a line, and we all intuitively know where “the line” exists. In any given moment, we are either living Above the Line or Below the Line.
When we are “below the line”, we are constantly angry, closed, and looking for blame and excuses. When we are operating out of fear, we withdraw from our connections, which causes us to become estranged from others, and pull ourselves back emotionally. In such cases, try gathering the courage to connect with what you’re afraid of. Although this could turn out in both good and bad ways, it will be worth a shot. At least you will then be able to confront the grip of toxic fear and bring forth behaviours and beliefs that are above the line. Anger, on the other hand, causes us to blame others or the situation we’re in, while at the same time creating excuses for ourselves. At times, we can even move into a state of denial. In order for us to start living “above the line”, we need to be more mindful of our emotional state. This could mean being more sensitive to the context and perspective of others or the situation. When we are “above the line”, we are operating out of love, understanding, and appreciation in order to tackle anger and take ownership of what’s happening. Acknowledge that pushing the blame on others continually will wear you out, and will eventually take a toll on your relationship. Moreover, remind yourself to be less prideful and try giving others credit instead. Focus on gratitude for those around you, and start showing appreciation for their contributions and positive impact on your life.
When we choose to live “below the line”, we fall victim to the biases that influence our perception, thereby impacting our relationships in a negative way. Such biases may include:
Egocentrism
Egocentric behaviour often stems from inadequate awareness of the self. This becomes limiting in the sense that we become embedded in our own point of view rather than attempting to understand the perspective of the other person. Egocentrism can often lead to feelings of anger and frustration, and severely impacts our capacity to deal with others in an appropriate manner.
Fundamental Attribution Error
Fundamental Attribution Error is the tendency to explain others’ behaviour and actions based on internal factors. This means having a cognitive bias to assume that someone’s behaviour is dependent on the personality of that person. When we overemphasise personal characteristics and qualities and choose to ignore situational factors when judging someone else’s behaviour, we become increasingly narrow-minded, making it difficult for us to resolve situations in an efficacious manner. For example, if a road user cuts into our path while driving, our initial thought might be that the driver is a “jerk”, or someone who is highly impatient. However, we fail to consider the possibility that the driver could have been rushing a passenger to the hospital.
Naive Realism
Naive realism is the tendency to believe that we view everything around us objectively and those other individuals who disagree with our viewpoint must be uninformed, irrational, or biased. This also causes us to be self-righteous and narrow-minded.
Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias describes the tendency of individuals to seek evidence that confirms and reiterates a previously held view. A classic example of this is the belief that women are poor drivers compared to men. We pay particular attention to the gender of such poor drivers and cherry-pick evidence that reinforces the idea of the poor motor skills of women.
As much as possible, we should try staying away from living “under the line”. When we fall victim to such biases, our perceptions become clouded, causing us to be incapable of handling our social connections well and in a healthy manner. Try staying away from negative emotions, and be more open-minded and understanding of the other party and the situation at hand.
So, how can we make the shift and start living “above the line”? Instead of living in fear, anger and pride, try living in courage, faith and love. Gather the courage to improve yourself, and take tiny steps every day. Reflect on the personal qualities and weaknesses that you think you need to work on and make the effort to change. If someone gives you constructive feedback, take it! Focus on self-improvement and don’t let pride and arrogance overcome you. Have faith in yourself and in the relationships you share with others. Believe that relationships can be worked on and salvaged, even if they are on the rocks. Lastly, give and spread love. Love will bring out the greatness in yourself, and the best in others. Show the people around you that you genuinely care for them, and that you appreciate their presence. Positivity will certainly go a long way and bring individuals closer together.
Above all else, perhaps you could ask yourself a simple question when tackling any situation in a relationship: Is your intention to help or to hurt? If you are willing to take the step to be more mindful of your intentions, then you’re already on the road to building and maintaining positive relationships. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. On the other hand, should you require any further guidance, don’t be afraid to reach out to us.
Depression has been portrayed extensively in pop culture and media, from R.E.M.’s hit song “Everybody Hurts”, to the television series “13 Reasons Why”. The phrase “I’m so depressed” is thrown around casually when someone has had a bad day or when they can’t get their favourite brand of ice-cream. But what is depression, really? How does it affect us, and can it be treated?
If someone was recently fired or lost a loved one, it would be natural to feel grief at such events. However, grief is not depression. Depression is classified as a mood disorder that causes unusually low moods for an extended period of time and may impair one’s ability to function at work and at home. Grief or other stressful situations may sometimes trigger depression, but unlike grief, there is often no discernible cause for the hopelessness and despair a depressed individual feels. Depression affects everyone differently, and factors such as one’s family background, environment, or physical state can impact their chances of developing depression, and how severely it impacts them.
Depression has a variety of symptoms that can vary in intensity, including;
Low mood;
Loss of interest in typically pleasurable activities;
There are several different types of depression, with the most common being Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). According to a study conducted by the Institute of Mental Health (IMH), 1 in 16 people in Singapore have experienced MDD in their lifetime. Major depressive episodes last about eight months and have a 70% chance of recurring within five years, though this varies with each individual.
There is also Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD), also known as dysthymia. This type of depression can last for several years, with symptoms receding for no more than two months at a time. PDD is much harder to spot, as the symptoms are often not as severe as MDD. Due to the length in which PDD affects individuals, friends and family may eventually brush it off as part of their personality. Others may think that they are just naturally “gloomy”, or “introverted” and “withdrawn”. Some individuals may also experience major depressive episodes while in the midst of PDD. This is known as double depression.
If any of the above sounds like they might apply to you or someone you know, you may be wondering “what can I do?”. The first step would be to speak to a mental health professional, who can properly assess the situation and make a diagnosis if necessary. They can then recommend a form of treatment. However, there is no “one size fits all” treatment. It may take many tries to find one that works for you. To help find that, here are some proven methods of treatment.
Medication
Antidepressants prescribed by psychiatrists help to stabilise one’s mood by adjusting specific parts of their brain chemistry. SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed class of antidepressants and help to boost the effects of serotonin in the brain. Antidepressants take time to produce full effects so don’t be discouraged if you don’t experience any effects immediately. However, if the antidepressants do not work after an extended period of time, or produce unpleasant side effects, speak to your psychiatrist about changing medications. When taking antidepressants, be sure to adhere to the prescribed dosage in order to see the best results. There is a common misconception that if someone feels better after taking antidepressants for a while, they can stop taking it immediately. This is not the case, and can instead cause their mood to suddenly crash back down again. If you are feeling better after taking antidepressants, speak to your psychiatrists, and together you can work out a plan to reduce the dosage of antidepressants.
Therapy
While medication can help to reduce symptoms of depression and improve one’s mood, they may not cure depression. Speaking to a counsellor or therapist can help to uncover underlying issues that are causing distress. The therapist can then focus on addressing these issues and equipping you with appropriate techniques to cope. Contrary to what is depicted on television, therapy does not involve lying on a couch and talking about your childhood. It is important that you feel comfortable with your therapist and develop a relationship with them where you are able to share openly about your struggles. One of the most commonly used forms of therapy is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which takes a goal-oriented approach to tackle negative behaviours or emotions.
Unfortunately, even with the wide variety of treatments available, the majority of people suffering from depression do not actually seek professional help. In many cases, this is due to the stigma associated with mental illness and the fear of what others may say. People with depression are often told “just stop being sad”, or “you should be happy, you have so many things to be thankful for”. So they hide it. They struggle each and every day and they hope that they’ll just get better on their own. But that makes the process so much harder. Support from friends and family is crucial in the recovery process.
Depression is a disease that can happen to anyone. It could happen to the quiet kid that sits in the corner. Or to your best friend who’s always been bubbly and lively, and now seems like someone else that you can barely recognise. But just like other diseases, it is possible to recover from depression with the right support from friends, family, and therapists. So be kind to one another, love one another, and when things get tough, be there for one another.
Thanks to the Internet, a global communications network, thousands of host servers worldwide are connected, making instantaneous and interactive sharing of information effortless and uncomplicated. But is the ease of access to information necessarily a good thing? There is increasing evidence that the Internet and social media may influence suicide-related behaviour, and hence the freedom of information may do more harm than good.
The Internet and social media have become fundamental in the way many people communicate and share opinions, ideas, and knowledge – alongside a multitude of information on the topic of suicide that is readily available. Social media coverage of celebrity suicide, which is unfortunately on the rise in current times, increases the risk for prosuicide behaviour of vulnerable individuals. One concern is the contagion effect where people are triggered to act as a result of learning of the death or self-harm of others that they identify with or admire. The glamorising of such stories can normalise suicide and present it as acceptable and unproblematic, leading to a rise in imitational suicides. The Internet also provides a source of information for people to obtain how-to descriptions of suicide and lethal ways of killing themselves.
But that’s not all there is to it. As we dig deeper, we find that the Internet also allows for cyberbullying, the formation of suicide pacts, and even suicide challenges including the infamous ‘Blue Whale Challenge’ – the Internet’s deadliest suicide game. Youths, in particular, are the ones most vulnerable and susceptible to caving into such pitholes – the very generation that is possibly the most in touch with the Internet. Suicide is the shortcut that a large proportion of people with mental health conditions (e.g. depression) succumb to if they aren’t able to cope well – yet, it isn’t an issue that we address much. To look out for one another, we should try to understand how these pro-suiciders think and act, to help them through their difficulties as fast and as much as possible.
There are mainly two categories of suicidal internet users – “Lower Severity Use” and “Higher Severity Use”. These categorial names refer to the extent to which these individuals use the Internet to find out about the act of self-harm or suicide. People that fall under the “Lower Severity Use” category are usually just conducting “pessimistic browsing” – a stage in which they are still uncertain about suicide, but are distressed enough to want to know more. They mostly navigate through the web haphazardly, trying to find stories or others to whom they can relate. They enter broad search terms, and randomly click on whatever appears at the top of their newsfeed. In summary, these people are still struggling to make sense of their feelings. However, a critical distinction between this group of individuals and the other is that people under “Lower Severity Use” actually flit between prosuicide content and online sources of help. Their uncertainty regarding suicide enables them to be more open to rethinking their actions, be it joining online peer support forums or attaining self-help resources. Perhaps the broad search terms they enter on Google could have also played a part in uncovering various methods of treatment.
Unfortunately, this has been proven otherwise for those who fall under the “Higher Severity Use” category. Individuals in this group are much more troubled and perturbed – so much so that they conduct “purposeful researching”, and are no longer as open to receiving online help. These people turn to the Internet to identify, evaluate and choose suicide methods. They research and learn about the effective implementation of each plan, and subsequently acquire the means to carry out the suicide attempt. Part of their research also includes evaluating different factors such as the speed, effectiveness, pain level and technical instructions for them to carry the suicide method. What types of household items can be used for suicide? How much drug constitutes an overdose? What would be the appropriate height to jump to death? Such thoughts fill the heads of these individuals, and the same things are searched up online for them to make a successful suicide attempt. Regrettably, a handful of them also makes use of websites that were never meant to encourage suicide, some of which include professional websites such as WebMD. The published notes on symptoms of overdosage etcetera on such sites could lead some individuals to deduce the amount needed for a successful suicide attempt. This, coupled with the ease of purchasing medications over-the-counter or online, could very well lead to undesirable consequences.
You might wonder, is there a link between the two categories? The answer is yes. Many a time, people start with “pessimistic browsing” before they move on to “purposeful researching”. The decision and will to pursue the act of suicide comes during the transition from former to the latter. The haphazard online navigation, or what was once considered rather “purposeless”, could become addictive. These sensitive and vulnerable individuals could find themselves roped into a cult of negativity, being enticed and increasingly drawn to the provoking and graphic content online. Subconsciously, they will start searching things up more frequently, and their suicidal thoughts and motive escalate. Eventually, they will find themselves under the “Higher Severity Use” category.
Above all, we should be concerned with protecting our loved ones. If we sense that a friend or family member is contemplating suicide or is vulnerable to the suicide-promoting influences of the Internet, seek help from a professional i.e. a counsellor, a psychotherapist or psychologist, immediately. As time passes, there is a higher chance that their initial help-seeking thoughts will be displaced. They will start validating their self-harm and suicidal thoughts and will expose themselves to more suicide content. Suicide isn’t okay, and should not be portrayed as an acceptable response to distress or difficulties. Never downplay the seriousness of suicide and delay help. Trust me; You will be doing anyone at-risk a vital service by persuading them to seek professional assistance.
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