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How to cope with or help one with Eating Disorders over the Holiday Season

How to cope with or help one with Eating Disorders over the Holiday Season

Written by: Henny Tan, Senior Clinical Psychologist

Most of us look forward to the festive season. After all “‘tis the season to be jolly”. It is a time for family and friends to be gathered together, often with the accompaniment of special treats and food. However, this may not always be the case for individuals who struggle with eating disorders.

Across various cultures, food is a unifying cultural thread, and eating is a huge and important part of our social lives. Oftentimes we forget the pervasiveness of food in our everyday lives. Have you ever considered how integral the role of food is in building social connectedness and relationships? We catch up with friends over meals and have informal business meetings over coffee. We also celebrate important occasions and milestones over food. The phenomenon of foodstagramming (a term used to describe the act of taking pictures of one’s food and posting it on social media), or “the camera eats first”, also dominates our social media.

As a result of the emphasis that is being placed on food, individuals with an eating disorder may feel tremendous stress and anxiety partaking in food-focused family traditions and gatherings with friends during the holiday season. 

 

What are eating disorders?

Eating disorders are a category of psychological conditions that manifest themselves in persistent and unhealthy relationships between body image, food, eating and exercise.  They usually develop in adolescence and young adulthood and are often associated with a whole host of distressing thoughts and emotions. Eating disorders can affect people of all ages and of any race, gender or body type.

Some types of eating disorders include:

  • Anorexia Nervosa
    • An eating disorder characterised by weight loss (or lack of appropriate weight gain in children), unhealthy eating patterns, intense fear of gaining weight and significant body image concerns. This condition is extremely dangerous as it can lead to malnutrition, starvation, and death.
  • Bulimia Nervosa
    • Bulimia is characterised by a cycle of bingeing and purging, where the individual eats large amounts of food (larger than what most people would eat in a similar period of time) in a way that feels out of their control, and then engages in purging which involves self-induced vomiting, fasting, or excessive exercise, Individuals with Bulimia also tend to have significant body image concerns.
  • Binge-eating Disorder
    • Binge-eating disorder involves periods of consuming unusually large amounts of food in a discrete period of time, accompanied by a sense of loss of control over eating. Binge-eating episodes are commonly associated with difficult emotions such as guilt, disgust and shame.

 

Struggles Faced During the Holiday Season

Food

A daily struggle for someone with an eating disorder is worrying about what and how much they will eat, how to burn off the calories consumed. When faced with an abundance of food choices and especially food that they do not commonly eat or labelled as “bad”, such worries become exacerbated. For example, someone with binge-eating urges may find it difficult to control their eating during such situations, leading to increased feelings of guilt and shame, as well as negative beliefs about themselves that come with these feelings.

 

Disruption of Routines

Obligations to attend various parties and gatherings will also likely disrupt everyday routines such as meal timings and exercise. In addition, structured meal plans that may be essential for someone at a specific stage of eating disorder recovery may also be impacted when dining with others.

Expectations

The holiday season is also a time when we are faced with expectations from family and friends to be happy and relaxed, and to indulge in food. However, for individuals with anorexia nervosa, they may find it extremely difficult to finish their food when family is watching what they eat, or may feel pressured when others are encouraging them to eat larger amounts of food, which can lead to feelings of shame and guilt. Asking someone if they have eaten is often a way of showing we care, but for someone with an eating disorder this could potentially trigger a whole slew of body-image related thoughts. Additionally, stress may also come in the form of worrying about how to manage comments from others about how they look or what they are eating or not eating.

Isolation

Individuals with eating disorders tend to feel isolated as they may withdraw from social gatherings as a way of coping with the deeply rooted fear of being negatively evaluated by others. During the holiday season where gatherings involve many more people, this fear can become intensified. They often find it hard to express their anxieties and struggles to family and friends, while at the same time feel unable to escape such situations, resulting in them feeling overwhelmed and detached.

 

How One Can Manage The Struggle

Preventive Measures and Coping

Given the challenges that someone with an eating disorder might face during the festive season, it is important to be proactive and plan ahead to make it easier to transition into the holidays. Friends and family can also be a significant source of support.

Plan Ahead

  • Adhere to a meal plan as much as possible to avoid binge or restrictive eating habits.
  • Identify potential triggers. List them down and try to brainstorm appropriate solutions or coping for each one of them. 
  • List down coping statements that you think might be helpful. Remind yourself the reasons to leave the eating disorder out of this meal. 
  • Plan non-food related activities that are fun and relaxing to recharge or bond with loved ones. You might feel most vulnerable during the first hour after meals, so plan to do activities that may help to distract yourself from the difficult thoughts or urges to binge or purge. 
  • Arrange check-in sessions to review your game plan with your psychologist before the holiday season.
  • Practise how to politely set boundaries and prepare a list of topics in case you need to change the topic for when someone makes comments about your appearance or eating that make you feel uncomfortable. 

 

Communicate

  • Speak with family members or other members of your support system before the holidays to help them understand your needs and potential triggers. 
  • Identify a support person or a “buddy” who can help with sticking to your plans as well as provide emotional support when needed. It might help to arrange a code word or signal to indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed and need additional support.

 

Self-compassion 

  • Be kind to yourself! Acknowledge that you are stepping outside your comfort zone. It is understandable that this might be difficult and challenging for you, but struggling does not mean you are failing.
  • Set realistic goals and expectations of yourself. Take things one step at a time.
  • Catch yourself when you criticise yourself again. Recognise that you are doing the best you can. 
  • Give yourself the gift of enjoying the meal. Remove the idea of treating food as a “reward”, and give yourself permission to enjoy the food and company.

 

How Family and Loved Ones Can Help

  • Be there for a loved one who is struggling. Listen to their struggles without making any judgments. 
  • Ask them how they feel and try to validate their feelings, even if you may not fully understand what they are going through.
  • Avoid being the “food police” unless the treatment team has given you a plan to monitor and portion food for your loved one. 
  • Avoid making comments and judgments about calories, eating and physical appearance. 
  • Refrain from making criticisms and instead offer support and words of encouragement.
Circular Causality in Family Issues: How to raise emotionally and mentally healthier children

Circular Causality in Family Issues: How to raise emotionally and mentally healthier children

Written by: Dr Mark Toh, Senior Consultant Psychologist

What Is Circular Causality?: Understanding Your Child’s Reactions

The American Psychological Association defines ‘Circular Causality’ as a sequence of causes and effects that leads back to the original cause and either alters or confirms it, thus producing a new sequence, as in a feedback loop.

This is an important concept that helps to explain certain interactions within relationships better. Relational patterns and rules between family members within the family system dominate how individuals interact and engage with one another. These rules are often silent, unconscious or multi-generational in nature. Within this system, the family operates according to some ‘thermostat’ which sets the ‘desired setting’ for how each member is expected or required to function. The functioning applies to how situations or people are viewed, how much self-disclosure is welcomed or permitted, how personal or interpersonal difficulties are addressed or not, how disagreements or secrets are to be dealt with, or what relational values are being promoted. Families in different cultures may operate with certain predictable rules or patterns, eg. within families sensitive to shame, avoidance or non-verbal disclosure, communication is often practised. Tapping into the honest emotions of members over time tends to reveal the ‘temperature’ within the family system.

Families nurture the psychological ‘birth’ of the sense of self within children during their childhood. In the process, parents shape within their children how young children will engage themselves (intra-personal relationship) to function in later childhood and adulthood (inter-personal relationships). Healthy relational patterns and appropriate rules are important to foster healthy emotional development towards an important psychological milestone for children: healthy identity formation. Because these patterns and rules are so fundamental in the shaping process, it is important for parents to understand how they can shape their children towards this healthy identity. If not, the child could begin a life-long struggle from having accepted an identity that is diffused, confused or distorted in nature. This is usually accompanied by secondary effects of this outcome, eg. a pattern of difficult or troubled relationships with others. This usually adds additional distress to the sufferer and to those who relate to them. 

Instead of understanding interactions within relationships along a linear continuum where there is a definitive start and end, circular causality opens up to appreciating the relational context where interactions can be examined between two events in more useful detail. With an understanding of circular causality, understanding the interactions between two or more individuals can better reveal where an interaction can get stuck. This pattern occurs in all relationships but it is especially within ongoing relationships where being stuck in a negative cycle can lead to particular disappointments, hurt and pain. For children, unhealthy patterns and rules within families can undermine the child’s emotional development over time.

Circular causality is particularly useful to explain conflicts between family members which can become persistent and damaging. Persistent hurts can undermine relationships and lead to how negative expectations of each person are viewed and engaged with over time. They are a concern because of the prospect of children’s sense-of-self being hurt or damaged within certain family systems. Therefore, careful attention is usually necessary in understanding the attribution of cause-and-effect of what is problematic between family members.

Individuals attribute cause and effect or causation in situations and within relationships. Linear cause and effect of A 🡪 B 🡪 C are defined by a specific start and end point. Individuals who operate from understanding relationships based on linear causality tend to assume that problems are caused and maintained by the other individual’s beliefs, biology, emotions or other abnormal factors within the individual, i.e., they are self-generated. Therefore, solutions are found when the individual in question changes their beliefs or emotions within them to respond differently to the situation.

In contrast, circular causality refers to the reciprocal relationship between two events. Family members influence each other in a continuous process within a feedback loop. A vicious cycle is often present when two or more family members have relied on unchecked assumptions to carry out their attributions of cause-and-effect in the situation. The perspective of reciprocal relationships stems from the foundations of cybernetics, which refers to the regulatory action where one part of the system impacts another. Events usually do not happen in isolation. There is a feedback loop which tend to result in a new equilibrium. It is more that A 🡪 B 🡪 A. 

 

Case Studies

Case 1:

Susan refuses to go to school and goes into her room. Mom and Dad raise their voices and lecture her. When they raise their voices, Susan isolates. Mom and Dad’s frustrations or anger heighten Susan’s need for isolation, and Susan’s isolation heighten Mom and Dad’s anxiety, and therefore their escalation.

For parents who operate on assumptions of linear causality, their perception can easily overlook other reasons to explain the child’s original presenting problem, eg. Susan may be bullied at school, she has an unhappy relationship with her teacher, or she may be afraid of facing exams but is afraid to tell anyone. Parents who operate based on linear causality tend to see their child as the source of the problem, and to overlook their contribution or other reasons leading to the child’s presenting problem.

Instead of being quick to judge the situation as the child choosing to misbehave, parents should focus first on establishing a safe, trusting relationship with their daughter before their intervention.  They can raise concerns about what their child may be fearful of with empathy. The following statement could be as follows, “Hey Susan. You usually would enjoy attending school. But something unpleasant or uncomfortable may have happened to make you afraid of returning to school. I remember that when I went to school, I have at times been uncomfortable going to school because I was afraid of meeting someone I did not like, or having to face an exam I was not prepared for, or having to face a teacher who was mean. Can you tell me what is going on for you at school that you are uncomfortable facing? I will like to help you.” 

Case 2: 

John struggles in completing his homework and his poor grades. The father Mr. Lim responds to him with harsh criticism. Hurt and demoralized by his father’s criticism, John does not put in his best effort at school. His father’s criticism then intensifies and John puts in even less effort to learn. 

Family difficulties are often not rooted by a simple mistake made by the child (mistakes are common for children and instrumental for how they learn).  In this scenario, the father’s response to John may be reflective of how Mr. Lim was regarded as a child himself by his own parents when he was growing up. Criticism then is an extension of how he was treated as problematic as a child (to regard himself as stupid, inadequate, irresponsible) so as to repeat the cycle here. Without knowing all this history, John becomes hurt and angry against his father’s accusation. He can try to defend himself and retaliate with, “I am not useless. You are.” Mr. Lim who is outraged by John’s apparently disrespectful reply can bear down on John for what he considers to be John’s defiance to intensify his attack: “You are not only useless but disrespectful.”  This pattern can then set up a loop that becomes self-perpetuating or self-reinforcing based on their view of each other. John is seen by his father not only as stupid or irresponsible, he is also viewed as disrespectful and defiant. In turn, John sees his father as unloving and hurtful whom he needs to distance himself from. If they had a positive relationship earlier in John’s life, this relationship can deteriorate over time if the underlying issues are not addressed.   

In reciprocal relationships, circular causality is often revealed in the course of the interplay between emotional experiences, false or valid expectations and eventually how we experience each other. It often reveals how one or both parties perceive and interpret their individual world, and there is usually a historical reason  behind their perception. Our current experiences, perspectives and approach to relationships are often already influenced or shaped by our previous significant relationships with our family-or-origin and culture. 

[ In this situation, Mr. Lim should be advised to consult a child clinical psychologist when he sees no improvement with his son’s behavior. He needs to be alerted to the importance and quality of the parent-child relationship in impacting the child’s self-esteem, emotional conditions for what children need to thrive and the nature of the unconscious. If Mr. Lim was armed with the appropriate knowledge and possibly obtain personal help to address his relationship with himself as defective or inadequate, he could approach his son with, “Hey son. Studying in Singapore can be challenging or difficult. The workload can be heavy and the material can be difficult. I struggled with it too when I was a student. What struggles are you facing at the moment?” ]

 

Case 3

In the midst of ongoing conflicts between parents, their child Ben develops anxiety because the two people he loves appear to be hurting each other. Ben acts out with anxiety and/or depression, eg. temper tantrums, excessive withdrawal from school or play, trouble at school. This draws the attention of his parents who attend to him. In the process, their own conflict decreases. From this, Ben learns that he can influence his parents’ conflict through his anxiety. 

Circular causality helps to explain why family members may be stuck arguing about the same subject every time through communication traps or failures. Understanding cause & effect on a linear perspective in relationships can result in an artificial understanding: one cause & one effect or multiple causes & the same effect. In this scenario, Ben’s parents may wish to see Ben as having difficulties coping with school. Their solution may be to improve Ben’s responses to become more resilient. But if Ben attempted to communicate his difficulties with his parents’ conflict, they may not wish to believe that they contribute to his struggles. In so doing, they fail to capture the root of the problem for what it is. A child’s struggles may be defined by their parents because the child’s limitations reflects the parents’ limited emotional insights on themselves or their children. This lack of emotional insight and understanding is often expressed through circular causality to reveal that children can be misunderstood often and that the parent-child relationships can often be negatively impacted.  The parents’ own limitations are often overlooked in the situation.

Repeated over time, the negative rituals expressed in circular causality can be locked in place by ignorance, emotional hypersensitivity, defensiveness, contempt for one or more family members, hopelessness, hurt, anger, blame, fear and avoidance or stonewalling. Emotional cut-offs may be used frequently. If this happens, the effects of circular causality in an unhealthy family system can be experienced as intolerable. If there was previously a positive bond that bound the relationship, it can now be worn down by pain and the relationship may become damaged.

In this situation, the parents should consult a clinical psychologist familiar with children and family issues when they notice their child struggling with school or presents with anxiety in the midst of their conflict. 

How To Break The Cycle

Raising healthy children require establishing healthy relationships and healthy boundaries. Because the goal of raising healthy children is so worthwhile and essential to their future growth and success, parents need to be concerned that their relationship with their children are not defined by misunderstandings and conflict which are painful. To foster family unity and raise healthy children, three important values and practices are essential to promote certain patterns and rules in the family system: 

  1. Parents need to learn about child development. They should also remember that children function at a disadvantage because they tend to lack the emotional insight to explain their fears, their confusion, and what they need. Subsequently, children often have difficulty articulating what they feel or need. They need parental help to develop their emotional insight and offer them a broad emotional vocabulary to learn to express and communicate themselves clearly and honestly. When this is offered by parents who are emotionally mature and aware, intentional to raise children in their best interests, and when these parents are trusted by their children, the groundwork is being laid for the healthy formation and development of the child’s emerging identity.
  2. Parents need to develop the courage to have honest conversations with each other and their children. This courage needs to be accompanied by the believe that each member has important value so that each person is treated with respect. With courage and respect, each person can be approached with caution about making inaccurate or false assumptions of each other, and engaging in a self-serving bias. Being honest and courageous is important to clarify if inaccurate attributions are being made. Being ready to listen without judgment prior to making honest inquiries would further help to avoid misunderstandings or address misunderstandings when they occur.
  3. The willingness to develop healthy emotional intimacy promotes the value of sharing for each family member to know one another and to being known by the others in the family. This offers the basis for bonding and closeness. When communication is constructive, affirming and respectful, it can establish the sense of security within children and trust between family members. For children, this is particularly important since secure attachments contribute significantly to the child’s emotional development and mental health. This in turn offers a basis for them to acquire a healthy approach to future relationships and healthy functioning.

    To promote relationships which are safe and nurturing, words are powerful to convey that each family member is highly valued. They should be deliberately selected to promote each other’s well-being. Having a pattern of honest and constructive communication with healthy rules where individuals are affirmed and supported help to promote a family system where each member can safely practice saying what they mean and mean what they say. Misunderstandings are not left to stay but are promptly corrected. This offers the most fertile ground for healthy personal and interpersonal growth to happen. When parents notice they have difficulty delivering these practices, they should consult a clinical psychologist.

 


References:

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Apa Dictionary of Psychology. American Psychological
Association. Retrieved October 22, 2022, from https://dictionary.apa.org/circular-causality 

Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family evaluation: An approach based on Bowen theory. W W Norton & Co.

 

A nomadic expat life can be stressful on kids!

A nomadic expat life can be stressful on kids!

Expat life and moving around the world places a great deal of stress on children. DR REBECCA GIESS and DR MARK TOH from Promises Healthcare share how parents can help them adapt to new environments and people.

What issues do children deal with when adjusting to expat life?

Rebecca: They suffer mostly from homesickness, and grief from losing friends, extended family and familiar places. In a new country, they find it difficult to fit in and feel a sense of belonging. They have a fear of missing out (FOMO) on life back home.

Mark: They perceive a threat in relocating. Extended family and friends represent the emotional resources the child depended on, and the disruption in daily routine affects their emotional security and stability. This is an important and largely overlooked stressor. How children experience this, and how prepared they are for the change, is based on their relationship with their parents.

DR REBECCA GIESS

What are the red flags?

Rebecca: It can be difficult for children to know how they are feeling or how to express it. They may exhibit anti-social behaviours by breaking the rules or defying expectations. Tune into your child to uncover the underlying emotional triggers, and what they might need emotionally from you.

Mark: For children under the age of eight, there may be more crying, moodiness and irritability, complaining about school, expressing worry, or becoming withdrawn and clingy. There may also be regressions such as thumb-sucking, temper tantrums or toilet accidents, despite being potty-trained.

Children aged seven to 10 may worry about their health or family and express anger and irritability. They may also pin negative labels on themselves. Some of these behaviours may manifest at school more than at home.

Preteens may be more reactive to the demands and stress of the new school, complaining about the different system or classmates. They could become withdrawn, have more incompleted homework, or have declining grades.

DR MARK TOH

How can we help teenagers adjust?

Mark: Teenagers will miss their friends, prom, graduation and sports pursuits – the rites of passage – and they may feel their sense of identity being stripped away. They may display depression, anxiety, irritability, apathy and withdrawal, which increases their sense of isolation.

Those who feel ready to be independent may feel trapped with their family. They blame their feelings on the relocation and start to resent the family for it.

If the teenager is close to completing Grade 12, consider allowing them to graduate before they relocate.

How can parents navigate their child’s emotions?

Rebecca: Create space and guidance for their emotional experiences. Parents can validate and normalise their emotions by saying things like: “It makes sense.” Or: “It’s normal to feel sad or stressed.”

Don’t place any expectations on how your child “should be feeling”. They feel what they feel. Parents can help them label their emotions and work out how best to manage them.

Talk to your child about becoming a “third culture kid” – someone who spends a portion of their developmental years in another country. There are several benefits and challenges worth understanding and planning for.

I recommend parents read Third Culture Kids: The Experience Of Growing Up Among Worlds (Pollock, Van Reken & Pollock 2017).

What is most important to the child?

Mark: Children are looking for safety and security. With younger children especially, this depends on how close they are to their parents. Pay more attention to any work or social activity that might threaten this bond. Parents must remain accessible to the child, meeting regularly, exploring and discovering the country together and having fun in the process.

They should also assess how they themselves are coping, and if they might be unintentionally neglecting their child’s needs.

What can parents do at home?

Mark: Help children to set up their room. They are more likely to embrace their new home when they know that their needs are being met predictably. Parents should be ready to share their personal feelings and discoveries to encourage their children to communicate as well.

Create routines that bring everyone together. Playing games encourages bonding. Team games, where discoveries can be made individually and shared collectively, are particularly useful. In the process, the family learns about each member together.

How can a therapist help?

Rebecca: Therapists are trained to work with children experiencing anxiety and depressive symptoms due to adjustment difficulties. Children are rarely completely open with their parents and may do better in a non-judgmental safe space.

Mark: A therapist looks at both the child and family’s wellbeing. How is each person in the family coping? If there are individual or collective difficulties uncovered, the therapist could help them get unstuck.

About Dr Giess & Dr Toh

Dr Giess has extensive experience in working with teenagers and parents. She also helps adults address severe and chronic mental and physical health issues, and is trained in couples relationship counselling.

Dr Toh treats troubled children and their families and helps them to address their challenges. Helping parents to parent well is also a concern for him. He also works with couples and individual adults, as well as individuals with personality disorders.

Promises Healthcare is at #09-22/23 Novena Medical Center, 10 Sinaran Drive. Contact the team at 6397 7309.

*This article first appeared online on Expat Living Magazine’s website. Anna Murphy, an editor at Expat Living Magazine, wrote this article.


 

Being Too Critical of Your Body? Exploring Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Being Too Critical of Your Body? Exploring Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), in simple terms, is a condition involving an obsessive focus on one or more perceived flaws or defects in appearance. While the perceived flaw may be minor and inconspicuous, individuals struggling with this disorder are inclined to spend a large proportion of their waking hours worrying and finding means to fix these flaws. This includes seeking dermatological or cosmetic procedures and exercising excessively to fix their appearance. Depending on its severity, BDD can be disabling – the emotional distress it causes can affect one’s functioning at social events, work and in the public eye. 

BDD is estimated to affect approximately 2 percent of the adolescent and adult population worldwide, and preliminary studies in Singapore have also noted a similar proportion. This figure is, however, likely to be underreported due to the nature of the disorder, where affected individuals are unable to recognise the symptoms of the disorder. Coupled with the lack of awareness of BDD, people associate these BDD symptoms with the “physical flaw” itself. 

While there is no definitive cause, there are risk factors that can contribute to the onset of BDD. These can include bullying or abuse, perfectionism, constant competition with others, genetics, and other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). With the prevalence of social media, this condition is further exacerbated as it perpetuates body image comparison and the image of an “idealised body”. This can trigger such compulsive behaviour in vulnerable individuals, especially if they struggle with low self-esteem. Chemical imbalances can also trigger the onset of BDD in the brain or the use of certain drugs such as ecstasy in susceptible people. 

 

What is the diagnostic criteria for BDD?

For a BDD diagnosis, there is a set of criteria that the individual must meet. According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V), they are:

  1. Preoccupation with one or more perceived defects or flaws in physical appearance that are not observable or appear slight to others.
  2. At some point during the course of the disorder, the individual has performed repetitive behaviours (e.g., mirror checking, excessive grooming, skin picking, reassurance seeking) or mental acts (e.g., comparing his or her appearance with that of others) in response to the appearance concerns.
  3. The preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other areas of functioning.
  4. The appearance preoccupation is not better explained by concerns with body fat or weight in an individual whose symptoms meet diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder.

 

In addition, the individual would need to be assessed on their degree of insight regarding body dysmorphic disorder beliefs. In other words, how convinced are they that their bodies look “deformed” or “ugly”? A person with good or fair insight recognises that these beliefs are definitely or probably false. A person with poor insight would think that these beliefs are probably true. In the worst-case scenario, a person with absent insight or delusional beliefs would be completely convinced that their body dysmorphic beliefs are true.

 

What forms of treatment are available for BDD?

A combination of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy is often implemented in the treatment plan for BDD. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a psychotherapeutic method which aims to help one recognise maladaptive thought and behaviour patterns, and teach self-help coping strategies that can improve one’s quality of life. CBT has been proven to be an essential form of treatment for other mental health conditions as well, including depression and anxiety disorders. CBT for body dysmorphia would focus on helping the patient build self-esteem, and learn to tolerate the distress of “exposing” their perceived defects to others. It helps them manage their concerns with healthier coping mechanisms instead of taking extreme measures to fix their appearance. This includes training them to cope with symptoms of anxiety.

Medication is sometimes used in combination with CBT for maximum efficacy. One common medication used to relieve BDD symptoms include antidepressant medications. Selective Serotonin Inhibitors (SSRIs) in particular, can ease and reduce compulsivity, as well as overwhelming symptoms of anxiety or depression. 

You may wonder why we don’t proceed with cosmetic or surgical procedures to correct their perceived flaws, especially if they seek such measures. As mentioned, BDD often involves flawed beliefs surrounding an inconspicuous or minor flaw in appearance. We must acknowledge that any medical or surgical procedure carries health risks, regardless of the extent of the surgery. Any unnecessary alterations or body modifications may not only lead to undesirable health effects but may also lead to dissatisfaction with the results. Should the surgical procedure not turn out as expected, this could worsen the patient’s BDD.

If you believe a loved one may be showing signs of BDD, do encourage them to consult one of our mental health professionals at Promises Healthcare. 

 


 

References:

  1. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/body-dysmorphia-vanity-obsession-mental-health-treatment-1883421 (Accessed 25/07/2022)
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519712/table/ch3.t19/ (Accessed 25/07/2022)
  3. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd/causes/ (Accessed 25/07/2022)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Differentiating It From Self-Confidence

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Differentiating It From Self-Confidence

Narcissism and high self-esteem – how can we tell them apart? It may be difficult to tell if someone is self-absorbed or rightfully self-assured as they may present in a similar manner. Confidence is extremely important in helping one set the foundation for a healthy way of living, promoting personal growth, success, and a sense of fulfilment. On the other hand, a narcissist’s self-absorption would hinder said personal growth, and such a way of thinking enables a toxic lifestyle.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. For one to be diagnosed with NPD, the individual must fulfil the following, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

  1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
  2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  3. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
  4. A need for excessive admiration
  5. A sense of entitlement
  6. Interpersonally exploitative behaviour
  7. A lack of empathy
  8. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
  9. A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes

However, not everyone with NPD will get a clear diagnosis from a mental health professional. It is rare for someone with NPD to commit to seeking help, openly talk about their thoughts, or even attend a therapy session. Here are some points to consider when wondering if someone is confident or narcissistic.

 

Are they self-focused?

A narcissistic person may be obsessed with grandiosity, fantasising about achieving unlimited power, acceptance and resources, so much that they believe they deserve it more than others. As such, narcissism can be associated with the need to dominate others. However, a person with a healthy self-esteem will be inclined to establish deeper relationships with the people around them. Narcissism involves the inability to see beyond one’s self-interests, while self-confidence extends beyond self-focus, and to the needs of others.

 

Do they have a strong sense of entitlement and a tendency to exploit others?

As we have explored, people with NPD might feel they deserve more than others and have a strong sense of entitlement. This can manifest as the tendency to manipulate and exploit others to achieve their desires. Tactics such as spreading lies about others to get ahead are common, as they put personal gain above everything else.

 

Do they crave affirmation?

Praise, attention and affirmation are important to a narcissistic individual. With the need to fuel their sense of specialness, they may crave a constant expression of admiration and praise from others. Of course, we do not deny that everyone needs to be affirmed and encouraged to build self-confidence. However, unlike truly self-confident individuals, narcissists are hyper-sensitive to such attention and crave continual affirmations for emotional stability. Without them, they may feel disconnected, and even resent those who don’t think what they’re doing and saying is exceptional.

 

Do they have difficulty accepting constructive criticism? 

Despite the sense of specialness and outward sense of superiority, people with NPD may in fact struggle with pervasive feelings of insecurity. A subtype of NPD, covert narcissism,  can enable one to be defensive and over-sensitive to criticism. While the criticism may be a constructive one, they may treat it as a personal attack and react strongly against it. Their replies may be laced with contempt or passive-aggressiveness. This helps them seek relief and protect their self-esteem. 

 

How do they respond to success?

We are all prone to a little envy when we compare ourselves to people of higher social status or with greater achievements – but how we manage this sense of envy sets a confident person and a narcissist apart. In order to uphold their image and take the spotlight, a narcissist might put others down and attribute their successes to luck or financial background instead of acknowledging their skills or character. Moreover, these may be baseless comments. In contrast, while a self-confident person may also feel envious at times, they are less likely to dim someone else’s light in order to prove their worth. 

Hence, for persons with NPD, why is it important for them to seek therapy? Narcissism is found to be associated with externalising behaviour, including alcohol or substance abuse, antisocial behaviour, and aggression. These can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle and can be detrimental in the long run if no proper treatment is received. 

While the pointers in this article may act as a guideline to help you differentiate between a confident person and a narcissist, a diagnosis for NPD should be left to trained mental health professionals only. While it may be tempting to label someone with a personality disorder or to make judgements with such information, the presentation of mental health conditions goes far beyond a few attitudes or behaviours. If you believe a family member or a close friend is in need of an assessment and therapy for NPD, feel free to contact us for more information

You might also be interested in reading about what being in a relationship with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is like, in our previous article: Healing from being with a persona with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.


References:

  1. https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/narcissism-and-self-esteem-are-very-different/ (Accessed 19/07/2022)
  2. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-insecurity-behind-narcissistic-personality-npd-explained-1107194 (Accessed 19/07/2022)
  3. https://www.medscape.com/answers/1519417-101764/what-are-the-dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria-for-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd (Accessed 19/07/2022)
  4. https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder#diagnosis (Accessed 19/07/2022)