Impacts on youths
Spare the rod and spoil the child – is this a sensible justification for the use of physical punishment in disciplining a child? What is discipline really all about? To some parents, discipline is associated with corporal punishment, such as by caning, slapping or spanking. In extreme cases, it may include forcing hot sauce into a child’s mouth as punishment for swearing. Sometimes, it becomes difficult to draw the line between reasonable corporal punishment and physical abuse.
Not many parents will admit that they cane or spank their kids. But a survey conducted by an international research agency YouGov found that close to 80 percent of parents in Singapore adopted such physical means of punishment. Does caning still have a place in modern-day parenting? In some way or another, we are all shaped by different life experiences, cultures and familial backgrounds. It shouldn’t be a surprise that we each possess differing opinions and perceptions. Some of these parents themselves may have been parented under strict and harsh supervision, where they had grown accustomed to physical forms of discipline and do not view them to be problematic. However, there is an increasing need to recognise that the act of disciplining children can take on many other forms. While we do not have the right to correct your teaching methods, we hope to convince you, as well as other parents out there, that corporal punishment is not the only mean to teach a child good behaviour.
Why Corporal Punishment Isn’t The Best
We acknowledge that parenting isn’t easy. When your toddler “accidentally” smashes that one precious family heirloom, or when your underaged teenager gets caught for drinking, you might fly into a rage and rush to pick up the cane. However, corporal punishment has been proven to be ineffective and potentially harmful. It may serve its purpose of an immediate response to an undesirable behaviour and to curb it temporarily, but it will leave a long-lasting psychological mark on your child. As published in numerous research journals, physical punishment may bring about more harm than good. Let’s break it down:
- Deteriorating Relationships
Consider the message that you’re sending your child as you’re hitting him. While you may think nothing of it in a fit of anger, your child may – whether subconsciously or not – internalise that he is unworthy of love, or that he is worthless. Over time, this will also strain your relationship with your child.
- Increasing Your Child’s Susceptibility to Mental Disorders
Physical aggression often ties in with psychological aggression. At the end of it all, your child may develop a flawed belief that using violence to achieve desired results is completely acceptable. Not only does corporal punishment increase a child’s aggression, it may also lead to antisocial behaviour, as well as other mental health disorders. Long-term use of violence against a growing child can lead to the development of depression, anxiety, personality disorders, as well as intellectual disabilities. In particular, it may also cause a downward spiral of your child’s self-esteem.
- Failing to Induce the Desired Behavioural Change
Corporal punishment does not develop compliant behaviour, it simply stops undesirable behaviour temporarily. This may give parents a false sense of security, and trap them into thinking that they’ve successfully steered their children away from unwanted behaviours. However, the reality is that children may only stop immediately for the fear of being punished further. There is always a chance for such behaviours to return. Assuming your teenager picks up a bad habit but is afraid of being punished, she may instead resort to various means of hiding it from you. As you can see, the unwanted behaviour isn’t eradicated at all.
By now, you’re probably curious about how you can encourage behavioural change more effectively without physical punishment. Here, we’ll share some useful tips in regards to educating your child the right behaviour.
When your child misbehaves, you can consider withholding or removing certain privileges from him. This is certainly less harmful psychologically and physically as opposed to spanking him. For example, if your child leaves his toys lying all over the bedroom floor, you can opt to confiscate them for a day or two. Do note that this will be particularly effective if the consequence is directly linked to the unwanted behaviour. In this case, it wouldn’t be ideal to punish the child by banning TV time for a day.
Needless to say, positive reinforcement plays a huge role in disciplining your child too. If your parenting style solely includes punishments and no rewards, your child may grow up feeling resentful, unhappy and lack a sense of self-worth. Be equally generous with praises and rewards when deemed fit – balance is key! If possible, you may also tie in a reward system with a certain behaviour that you want to encourage. Let’s say you want your child to develop a habit of returning home no later than 10pm. The consequence for not sticking to the curfew may be grounding her for the next two days. However, if your child adheres to the rules and returns home by the stated curfew for the entire week, perhaps you can reward her for being responsible and consistent. This could mean giving her an additional hour out during the weekends, or bringing her out for her favourite meal.
One major issue with corporal punishment is that apart from inflicting physical and psychological harm, it does not direct your child towards the desired behaviour. Discipline should be aimed at teaching. Ensuring your child learns from the event and to correct themselves in the future is what really matters. With that said, sometimes teaching them new skills can go a long way. If your child throws temper tantrums, teach him how to calm himself down and to deal with his frustration instead of spanking him. Such problem-solving and emotion-coping strategies will certainly help your child to build emotional resilience as well.
The environment around us can influence the way we grow and behave too. If you have children or teenagers at home, lock the cabinets to the heavy liquor. If you want to foster a non-gambling home environment, keeping items such as poker cards away from sight can also be beneficial. Small changes to the surroundings can have more influence than you may think, and will also prevent the need for any serious punishment.
Above all, it is necessary to be consistent with what you say and encourage your children to do. Be consistent with the rules you put forth and stand your ground, it is important for a child to know that the consequences and rewards aren’t selectively enforced. Guiding children away from misbehaviour can be a tough feat at times, but just as you’re about to reach for the cane, we hope you’ll think twice.
- https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/education/most-parents-here-dont-spare-rod-on-kids-at-home-study (Accessed 22/02/2021)
- https://www.apa.org/research/action/speaking-of-psychology/disciplining-children (Accessed 22/02/2021)
- https://www.healthxchange.sg/children/parenting-tips/child-discipline-physical-punishment-psychological-marks (Accessed 22/02/2021)
- https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/10/child-discipline (Accessed 22/02/2021)
Take a look around our workplace and you will likely see people from across different age groups, particularly as we now have many people working past the age of 60. In fact, it is not surprising to see at least up to four generations on the job today, from the Baby Boomers to Gen Z. In case you are wondering what each of these generations refer to, here’s a rough guide:
Baby Boomers: They were born between 1946 and 1964, and are currently between 56 to 74 years old.
Generation X: Gen X was born between 1965 and 1980, and are currently between 40 to 55 years old.
Generation Y (also commonly known as Millennials): Individuals born between 1981 and 1996, and are currently between 24 to 39 years of age.
Generation Z (or Gen Z in short): Refers to the demographic cohort succeeding the Millennials, or loosely speaking, those born from 1995 to 2010. In other words, these people would be 10 to 25 years old at present.
A flurry of potential labels has appeared that refer to Gen Z as well, including Gen Tech, post-Millennials, iGeneration, Gen Y-Fi, and Zoomers. It goes to show that this is truly a generation of digital natives. They have been born into a world of vast technological advances and innovations and exposed to smartphones, social media, virtual reality, the internet, and artificial intelligence from a very young age. This is where the gap has widened drastically between Gen Zs and those of Gen X, Gen Y, and especially the Baby Boomers.
Unlike the older generations, the Gen Zs grew up during the rise of social media, smartphones and instant accessibility of information in a hyper-connected world. Gen Z individuals reportedly spend up to 3 hours a day on average on their computing and mobile devices. With that said, keep in mind that new technology is typically first adopted by the youngest generation before it is gradually adopted by the older generations. Baby Boomers in particular, still make up the largest proportion of traditional media consumers. While the younger generations have switched to digitalised news sources or other forms of online social media, quite a handful in the older generations is still sticking to the old-school television, magazines and newspapers.
You might wonder, “So what exactly is the problem here?” Well, while it is true that generation gaps have long existed since time immemorial, the widening gap between generations is seemingly putting our interpersonal relationships under strain. Gen Zs across the world are well aware of the ways in which their childhood has been unique from their parents and grandparents. In the past year or so, the “OK Boomer” phenomenon has become increasingly widespread over social media. Albeit a little controversial, the term “OK Boomer” is often used by Gen Zs in a rather cutting and dismissive manner to a particular suggestion or criticism by an older generation person. As the term found its way onto the internet, the younger individuals found it to be an effective and all-encompassing manner of expressing their feelings, especially towards things that they find out-of-date. Even more so, Gen Zs and Millennials often use it whenever they want to direct our attention to generational conflicts – for example, expressing their frustration and critiquing the older generation for making judgements on issues such as gender expression, their financial choices, or their approach to job-hunting.
We interviewed a fellow Gen Z, Himanshi, a current student at Nanyang Technological University pursuing a Bachelor of Communication Studies. Here is what she has to say: “Social media certainly contributes to the widening gap due to the disparity between the types of communication and information mediums that we are engaged in. But at the same time, it is a natural occurrence simply due to the sheer difference in trends, preferences and eras.”
This brings us to what we can do to bridge the generational divide. For sure, we can’t stop the rapid evolution of how people communicate and interact, but perhaps it would be useful for us to have a better grasp on the Gen Z’s internet slangs and their way-of-speech, to narrow the communication divide at the very least.
“It may seem a little unfair to expect the older generations to pick up on our slang, especially since we don’t do much to understand their differing experiences and their perspectives either”, Himanshi added. “It’ll probably be a little awkward for us too if they were to start using them, but we cannot deny that it would certainly help in breaking down the communication barrier between us,” she laughs.
As much as we would like to include all the various slangs in this miniature guide, there are, frankly, way too many. However, we’ve picked out some of the most commonly used internet slangs adopted by Gen Z individuals. While this list is, for the most part, universal due to its online exposure, the usage of some phrases could vary depending on region and age group.
Popularised and widely used after the release of the game “Among Us”, this term is short for “suspicious”.
Another term for “yikes”.
“Mood” / “Same” / “Me”
These are just various ways of saying “I can relate to that”.
Although tough to pronounce it verbally (hence mostly used online), this internet slang is basically the new “hahahaha”.
This term does not actually refer to an actual slap. Instead, it is used in a positive light to describe something cool, or even praise-worthy. For example, Gen Zs may say, “This song slaps!’”
Again, this term does not reflect the innate need to quench your thirst. This term is used to describe someone who is desperate for attention, especially from a romantic interest.
“Shook” / “Shooketh”
Another way to express surprise or shock.
“I’m dead”/ “Dead”/ “Ded” / “I’m deceased”
These are various ways of reacting to something hilarious. These are sometimes replacements for terms such as “LOL”.
A way to convince another person that you’re not lying. In other words, it is to convey authenticity and truth. For example, a Gen Z might say, “No cap, you look gorgeous.”
“Spill the tea” / “Tea”
“Tea” here refers to gossip or the latest scoop. When one says “Spill the tea”, they are asking you to let them in on the gossip.
To show off. This can be applicable to possessions, or sometimes even knowledge and other intangibles.
“This ain’t it, chief”
A humorous way of signalling to someone that their statement or opinion is wrong or stupid.
A sense of jealousy, bitterness or sadness.
To “throw shade” at someone is to trash talk him with rude comments.
“Highkey” is often used in replacement of “very”, “really”, or “clearly”. It is used to express something straight up and openly. For example, “I highkey want that shirt!”
“Lowkey” is the opposite of “highkey”, and it is usually used to express something in a rather secretive and restrained manner. For example, “I want to keep this issue lowkey,” or “I lowkey hate that guy.”
As more and more Gen Zs are entering the workforce and infiltrating our offices, perhaps it’s highkey time for the older colleagues to study up and grasp these slangs.
https://www.kasasa.com/articles/generations/gen-x-gen-y-gen-z (Accessed 27/10/2020)
As a child, how did adults around you react whenever you expressed your feelings? Did you grow up receiving that subtle message to wall up your emotions so they don’t get the better of you, or become anyone else’s burden? Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is a topic often overlooked, and many fail to realise that it can eventually manifest into mood disorders or anxiety disorders if not dealt with appropriately.
Childhood Emotional Neglect occurs when our caretakers or parental figures fail to respond to our affectional needs suitably during critical stages in our development. An individual who grows up experiencing emotional neglect may experience a pattern of having his or her emotions being disregarded, invalidated or downplayed by others. While many of us may wonder, “What kind of parent doesn’t pay attention to a child’s emotional needs?” In reality, some parents may not actually realise that they have been shutting their child(ren) out emotionally. In Asian societies in particular, some parents are commonly labelled as “authoritarian” or “tiger parents”. These people may in fact perceive themselves to be giving the absolute best to their child, enforcing strict discipline and ensuring that their offsprings are well-equipped with the best skills to succeed in life. However, young children and teenagers may instead be overwhelmed by such demands, and feel as if their feelings were never considered or understood. Whilst we mentioned its prevalence in Asian societies, it is key to note that it is not merely limited to these children – many worldwide experience it too, making it an exceptionally important subject. With emotional neglect being a common feature in the childhood of many, it can become an undesirable shadow that follows us throughout our lives – eventually leading to undermined happiness and the lack of an authentic sense of self.
Delving into the matter at hand, Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) can come in two forms – active and passive CEN. Active CEN is when parents or caregivers actively act in a way that dismisses or denies the child’s emotions. For instance, a boy is sent to his room for crying over the death of his pet fish, and his parents complain of having an overly-dramatic son. When the child is being denied of his sadness and is receiving the message that his behaviour is unreasonable, this forces the child to grow up hiding his feelings, and at times struggling with fear and shame of his own emotions. On the other hand, passive CEN occurs when parents show a lack of care or validation regarding the child’s emotional needs. When parents fail to notice when the child is angry, upset, hurt or anxious, this gives off a subliminal message to the child that his feelings are irrelevant or not worthy of note. In any case, both forms of CEN are clearly detrimental towards one’s mental health.
Albeit not having a test or questionnaire that can help with a diagnosis for CEN, there are certain “symptoms” of CEN that may surface, be it in the later parts of one’s teenage years or adulthood.\
For one, individuals who have experienced CEN may find it difficult to prioritise their wants and needs, even if it’s something that would bring them great joy. It is innate for us to have desires and to just be aware of what we want and need. However, for someone who grows up having his feelings invalidated and cast aside, it could become a natural thing for him to keep his desires to himself. As such, even if opportunities do come along, these people would often fall through the cracks, most probably due to their inability to request for it upfront, or by allowing others to seize it instead.
CEN also causes one to start projecting any feelings inward, regardless of whether they are negative or positive ones. People who have experienced CEN are particularly predisposed to turning feelings of anger inwards, as they never learnt how to be comfortable with their emotions, nor how to handle them in a healthy manner. It is often said that nothing good comes from bottled-up feelings, and that is absolutely true.
Having pent-up feelings also mean that these individuals are not likely to seek help or lean into their support systems whenever things get tough, making them feel all the more isolated and vulnerable. Even at times when they are feeling deeply challenged by certain life events, they find themselves trying to cope all on their own, leading to unhealthy stress levels and anxiety. Unsurprisingly, the constant feelings of shame and inability to get in touch with one’s emotions will eventually lead to one losing sight of his or her strengths as well. As a result, poor self-esteem is sometimes a consequence of CEN.
While many individuals, including adults, fail to recognise the impacts of childhood emotional neglect on their lives due to its subtle nature, it is important that they get themselves back on track – to regain true happiness and greater self-esteem. You might have grown up devoid of your own emotions, but you need to recognise that facing them head-on will ultimately help you to cope with life events and for you to regain your sense of self.
Learn to start getting in touch with and embracing what you feel – both the good and bad. Identifying what you feel in certain situations will be a good step towards helping yourself cope with your environment and daily life. When challenges seem overwhelming, don’t feel afraid or ashamed of reaching out to your friends and family for help either. Even more so, if you ever feel like you’re losing control of your life and are derailing emotionally, seek professional help as soon as possible. While not everyone who grows up with emotional neglect ends up with mood disorders such as depression or anxiety disorders, there are certainly people who do. Don’t deny yourself of your emotions any longer, therapy might just be the solution to helping you learn the vital life-coping skills you never learnt as a child.