Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. While 1 often associated with veterans, PTSD can affect anyone who has endured trauma, including accidents, natural disasters, violence, or abuse. This blog post aims to shed light on PTSD, its symptoms, and the path to healing and recovery in Singapore.
Unmasking the Invisible Wounds
PTSD is more than just having bad memories or feeling upset after a traumatic event. It’s a complex condition that can cause significant distress and interfere with daily life. The symptoms of PTSD often persist for months or even years, leaving individuals feeling trapped in a cycle of fear, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts. Understanding PTSD is the first step towards seeking help and finding recovery.
Recognising the Signs: Symptoms of PTSD
PTSD can manifest in various ways, and symptoms may vary from person to person. Common symptoms include:
Re-experiencing the trauma: Intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, and intense distress when reminded of the event.
Avoidance: Avoiding places, people, or activities that trigger memories of the trauma.
Negative thoughts and feelings: Persistent negative thoughts about oneself or the world, feelings of guilt, shame, or fear, difficulty experiencing positive emotions.
It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma will develop PTSD. However, if you’re experiencing these symptoms and they’re impacting your quality of life, it’s crucial to seek professional help.
Recognising Your Strength and Seeking Assistance
Living with PTSD can be incredibly challenging, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that healing is possible. It takes immense strength to survive trauma, and seeking support is a crucial step in your recovery journey.
If you’re experiencing symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive memories, nightmares, avoidance behaviours, or hypervigilance, it’s important to reach out for help. Connecting with mental health professionals, support groups, or trusted individuals can provide you with the tools and resources you need to navigate these challenges and reclaim your life. Remember, seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness.
Living with PTSD and Finding Support at Promises
Living with PTSD can be challenging, but recovery is possible with the right support. At Promises Healthcare, we understand the complexities of trauma and its impact on mental health. Our experienced therapists provide a safe and compassionate space for individuals to explore their experiences, process their emotions, and develop coping strategies.
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how people perceive and interact with the world. It’s characterised by challenges with social communication, repetitive behaviours, and restricted interests. Early detection and intervention are crucial for supporting children with autism and helping them reach their full potential. This blog post will guide parents in Singapore through the process of early detection, diagnosis, and accessing valuable support resources.
Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder
Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning it affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. Some children may have mild challenges, while others may require significant support. Common characteristics include difficulties with social interaction, communication challenges (both verbal and non-verbal), repetitive behaviours, and sensory sensitivities. Early signs may include delayed language development, limited eye contact, and difficulty with social play.
Early Detection and Diagnosis
Early detection is key to providing timely intervention and support for children with autism. Parents play a vital role in recognizing early signs and seeking professional assessment.
What to look for:
Social communication: Limited eye contact, difficulty understanding social cues, lack of shared interests, challenges with back-and-forth conversation.
Developmental milestones: Delays in speech and language development, motor skills, or cognitive abilities.
Seeking professional assessment:
If you have concerns about your child’s development, consult your paediatrician or a developmental specialist. A comprehensive assessment may involve:
Developmental screening: Questionnaires and checklists to assess developmental milestones.
Clinical observation: Observing your child’s behaviour and interaction.
Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS): A standardized assessment tool used to observe social and communication behaviours.
Navigating the Journey: Support Resources in Singapore
Receiving an autism diagnosis can be overwhelming for parents, but there’s a strong network of support available in Singapore.
Early Intervention:
Early Intervention Programme for Infants and Children (EIPIC): Government-funded programme providing therapy and support for children with developmental needs.
Private early intervention centres: Offer a range of therapies, including speech therapy, occupational therapy, and behavioural therapy.
Education:
Special Education (SPED) schools: Cater to the specific learning needs of children with autism.
Mainstream schools with Learning Support Programme: Provide additional support for students with mild to moderate needs.
Understanding Your Child’s Unique Needs and Promises Support
Every child with autism is unique, and their needs will vary. It’s essential to work closely with professionals to develop an individualized support plan that addresses your child’s strengths and challenges.
At Promises Healthcare, our experienced therapists provide a range of services to support children with autism and their families. We offer:
Developmental assessments: Comprehensive evaluations to identify your child’s needs.
Individualized therapy: Tailored therapy sessions to address specific challenges, such as communication, social skills, and behaviour.
Family therapy: Support for parents and siblings to navigate the challenges and strengthen family bonds.
We believe in empowering children with autism to reach their full potential and live fulfilling lives. Contact Promises today to learn more about our services and how we can support your family.
Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that can have devastating consequences if left untreated. They are characterized by an unhealthy relationship with food and body image, often leading to severe disturbances in eating habits and behaviours. In Singapore, the pressure to conform to societal beauty standards and the competitive academic environment can contribute to the development of eating disorders.
Understanding Eating Disorders
Eating disorders encompass a range of conditions, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). These disorders can manifest in various ways, but they all involve a distorted perception of body image, an intense fear of gaining weight, and unhealthy eating patterns. They can affect people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds.
Causes and Contributing Factors
Eating disorders are complex conditions with multiple contributing factors. While the exact causes are not fully understood, research suggests a combination of genetic, psychological, sociocultural, and environmental factors play a role.
Genetic predisposition: Family history of eating disorders or mental health conditions can increase the risk.
Psychological factors: Low self-esteem, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and trauma can contribute to the development of eating disorders.
Sociocultural influences: Media portrayals of idealized body images, societal pressure to be thin, and cultural norms around food and appearance can influence body image and eating habits.
Environmental factors: Stressful life events, family dynamics, and peer pressure can trigger or exacerbate eating disorders.
5 Warning Signs and Expert Advice
Recognizing the warning signs of an eating disorder is crucial for early intervention. Here are five key signs you shouldn’t ignore:
Dramatic weight loss or fluctuations: Significant and rapid changes in weight, often accompanied by obsessive calorie counting or restrictive dieting.
Preoccupation with food and body image: Constant thoughts about food, weight, and body shape, often leading to obsessive behaviours like checking weight frequently or avoiding social situations involving food.
Distorted body image: Seeing oneself as overweight even when underweight or at a healthy weight.
Changes in eating habits: Skipping meals, avoiding certain food groups, eating in secret, or engaging in binge eating followed by purging behaviours like self-induced vomiting or excessive exercise.
Physical and emotional changes: Experiencing fatigue, dizziness, hair loss, digestive problems, mood swings, anxiety, depression, or social withdrawal.
Doctor Recommends:
“It’s important to remember that eating disorders are not about vanity or a lack of willpower. They are serious mental health conditions that require professional help. If you notice these warning signs in yourself or someone you care about, don’t hesitate to seek support,” says Dr. Jacob Rajesh a leading psychiatrist at Promises Healthcare.
Taking the First Step Towards Recovery
Recovery from an eating disorder is a journey that requires professional guidance and support. At Promises Healthcare, our dedicated team of psychiatrists, therapists, and nutritionists understands the complexities of eating disorders and provides personalized care to help you heal.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, taking the first step towards recovery is crucial. Seeking expert advice and support is essential for overcoming these challenges and achieving lasting well-being. Don’t hesitate to reach out to Promises; we are here to help you every step of the way.
Marriage counselling, also known as couples therapy, often carries a stigma. Many couples hesitate to seek help due to misconceptions and fear of judgment. This blog aims to dispel those myths and provide a clear picture of what marriage counselling entails in Singapore.
Understanding the Need for Marriage Counselling
Every marriage faces challenges. Communication breakdowns, unresolved conflicts, and life transitions can strain even the strongest bonds. While some couples navigate these hurdles independently, others may benefit from professional guidance. Marriage counselling provides a safe and supportive space for couples to explore their concerns, improve communication, and develop healthier relationship patterns.
The Journey to a Healthier Marriage
Marriage counselling is not a quick fix; it’s a journey of self-discovery and relationship growth. The process typically involves:
Assessment: The therapist will meet with both partners to understand their concerns, relationship history, and individual needs.
Goal setting: Couples collaboratively identify their goals for therapy and the areas they want to improve.
Skill-building: The therapist guides couples in developing effective communication skills, conflict resolution strategies, and tools for managing emotions.
Exploration of underlying issues: Therapy may delve into deeper issues contributing to relationship challenges, such as past traumas, attachment styles, or individual mental health concerns.
Maintenance and relapse prevention: Couples learn strategies to maintain progress and prevent future relationship difficulties.
Common Misconceptions & Myths About Couples Therapy
Several myths prevent couples from seeking the help they need. Let’s debunk some of the most common ones:
Myth: Marriage counselling is only for couples on the verge of divorce.
Reality: Couples therapy can be beneficial at any stage of a relationship, even for those seeking to strengthen their bond and prevent future issues.
Myth: The therapist will take sides or blame one partner.
Reality: A skilled therapist remains neutral and helps both partners understand their roles in the relationship dynamics.
Myth: Marriage counselling is expensive and time-consuming.
Reality: While therapy requires an investment of time and money, the long-term benefits for your relationship can outweigh the costs. Many therapists offer sliding scale fees or packages to make therapy more accessible.
Myth: Marriage counselling will magically fix all our problems.
Reality: Therapy provides tools and guidance, but it requires effort and commitment from both partners to implement changes and improve their relationship.
Myth: Talking about our problems with a stranger is uncomfortable and embarrassing.
Reality: Therapists create a safe and confidential space where couples can openly express themselves without judgment.
Myth: We should be able to solve our problems on our own.
Reality: Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Just as we consult professionals for physical health, seeking guidance for relationship challenges is equally important.
Myth: Marriage counselling will change who we are as individuals.
Reality: Therapy helps you understand yourself and your partner better, but it doesn’t aim to change your core personalities.
Myth: If we go to therapy, our friends and family will judge us.
Reality: Prioritizing your relationship’s health is commendable. Focus on your well-being and disregard any negative opinions.
Finding the Right Support with Promises
At Promises Healthcare, our experienced couples’ therapists provide a safe and supportive environment for you to navigate your relationship challenges. We offer evidence-based therapies tailored to your unique needs, helping you strengthen communication, rebuild trust, and reignite intimacy.
If you’re considering marriage counselling, don’t let myths and misconceptions hold you back. Take the first step towards a healthier, happier relationship. Contact Promises today for a confidential consultation.
Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide, including many in Singapore. It’s more than just feeling sad or down; it’s a persistent state of low mood that can significantly impact daily life. This blog post aims to shed light on the causes of depression, its symptoms, and the various treatment options available in Singapore.
Understanding the Causes of Depression
Depression is a complex condition with multiple contributing factors. While the exact causes are not fully understood, research suggests a combination of:
Biological factors: Genetic predisposition, imbalances in brain chemistry, and hormonal changes can contribute to depression.
Psychological factors: Negative thought patterns, low self-esteem, and difficulty coping with stress can increase vulnerability to depression.
Social factors: Social isolation, lack of support, and traumatic life events can trigger or worsen depression.
Environmental factors: Exposure to chronic stress, unhealthy lifestyle habits, and certain medical conditions can increase the risk of depression.
What Does Depression Feel Like?
Depression can manifest differently in everyone, but common symptoms include:
Persistent sadness or low mood: Feeling down, hopeless, or empty for most of the day, nearly every day.
Loss of interest or pleasure: Losing interest in activities that were once enjoyable.
Changes in appetite or weight: Significant weight loss or gain, or a decrease or increase in appetite.
Sleep disturbances: Insomnia, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, or excessive sleeping.
Fatigue or loss of energy: Feeling tired and drained, even after minimal exertion.
Difficulty concentrating: Problems with focus, memory, and decision-making.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt: Excessive self-blame, feelings of inadequacy, or guilt about past actions.
Thoughts of death or suicide: Recurring thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempts.
Management of Depression
Depression is a treatable condition, and various approaches can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life.
Psychotherapy: “Talk therapy” is a cornerstone of depression treatment. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours. Other effective therapies include interpersonal therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and mindfulness-based therapies.
Medication: Antidepressant medications can help regulate brain chemistry and alleviate symptoms. Different types of antidepressants are available, and a psychiatrist can determine the most suitable option based on individual needs.
Lifestyle changes: Healthy lifestyle habits play a crucial role in managing depression. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, and stress management techniques can significantly improve mood and overall well-being.
Social support: Strong social connections and support networks can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation.
Finding Hope and Healing
If you’re struggling with depression, remember that help is available. Experienced mental health professionals offer a range of effective treatments, including therapy, medication, and support groups, to help you manage your symptoms and regain control of your life.
Promises Healthcare provides a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your concerns and work towards recovery. Don’t hesitate to seek expert advice and embark on your journey towards healing and well-being.
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often associated with childhood, but it can persist into adulthood, impacting various aspects of life. In Singapore, with its fast-paced and demanding environment, adults with ADHD may face unique challenges. This blog post aims to raise awareness about adult ADHD, its symptoms, and the importance of seeking professional help.
Understanding ADHD in Adulthood
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While these traits may be present in everyone to some extent, individuals with ADHD experience them to a degree that significantly impairs their daily functioning. In adults, ADHD can manifest as difficulty focusing, disorganization, restlessness, impulsiveness, and emotional dysregulation.
Unmasking ADHD Symptoms in Adults
ADHD symptoms in adults can be subtle and easily mistaken for other conditions or personality traits. Here are some common signs:
Executive function challenges: Problems with planning, prioritizing, time management, and self-regulation.
Recognizing ADHD: When to Seek Professional Help
If you suspect you or someone you know may have ADHD, it’s essential to seek a professional assessment. A diagnosis typically involves a comprehensive evaluation, including:
Clinical interview: A detailed discussion about symptoms, medical history, and family history.
Psychological testing: Standardized questionnaires and tests to assess attention, impulsivity, and executive function.
Behavioural observation: Observing behaviours and interactions to identify ADHD-related patterns.
Why Early Diagnosis Matters:
Improved Quality of Life: Proper diagnosis and treatment can significantly improve quality of life by reducing symptoms and enhancing daily functioning.
Reduced Risk of Comorbidities: ADHD often co-occurs with other mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. Early intervention can help prevent or manage these comorbidities.
Enhanced Relationships and Career Success: Managing ADHD symptoms can lead to improved relationships, increased productivity, and greater career success.
Increased Self-Awareness: Understanding your ADHD can help you develop coping strategies and self-management skills.
Reduced Stigma: Seeking help for ADHD can challenge the stigma surrounding mental health and encourage self-acceptance.
Creating a Supportive Environment at Promises
At Promises Healthcare, we understand the challenges faced by adults with ADHD. Our team of experienced psychiatrists and therapists provides comprehensive assessments and personalized treatment plans. We offer a range of evidence-based therapies, medication management, and support groups to help you manage your ADHD and achieve your full potential.
We believe in creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment where you can feel comfortable discussing your concerns and working towards a fulfilling life. Contact Promises today for a confidential consultation and take the first step towards managing your ADHD effectively.
Life in Singapore is undeniably demanding. The pressure to succeed, the fast-paced environment, and constant expectations can impact anyone’s well-being. While occasional stress is normal, it’s crucial to recognize when those feelings persist and start affecting your daily life. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Studies show that a significant portion of Singaporeans experience mental health conditions. Remember, seeking help is a brave step towards a healthier, happier you.
Mental Health Matters: Challenging Common Misconceptions
Unfortunately, there’s still a stigma surrounding mental health in Singapore. Many people hesitate to seek help due to misconceptions and fear of judgment. It’s crucial to remember that mental health is just as important as physical health. Conditions like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and even schizophrenia are common and treatable.
Let’s address some common myths:
Myth: Only “crazy” people see psychiatrists.
Reality: Mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of age, background, or profession. Seeking help is a sign of self-awareness and a commitment to well-being.
Myth: Psychiatrists just prescribe medication.
Reality: Psychiatrists are medical doctors specializing in mental health. They offer a comprehensive approach to treatment, including therapy, lifestyle recommendations, and medication management when necessary.
Myth: Seeing a psychiatrist is a sign of weakness.
Reality: Seeking help is a proactive step towards taking control of your mental health. It takes courage to acknowledge challenges and seek support.
Is it time to talk to someone? 7 signs you might need to see a Psychiatrist.
If you’re experiencing any of the following, it might be time to consider seeking professional help from a psychiatrist:
Persistent sadness or hopelessness: Feeling down or experiencing a lack of motivation for an extended period, even when there’s no apparent reason.
Overwhelming anxiety or worry: Constant feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or fear that interfere with your daily activities.
Changes in sleep patterns: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing excessive sleepiness.
Significant changes in appetite or weight: Sudden weight loss or gain, or a noticeable decrease or increase in appetite.
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions: Experiencing brain fog, forgetfulness, or struggling to focus on tasks.
Withdrawal from social activities: Losing interest in hobbies or activities you once enjoyed and isolating yourself from friends and family.
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide: Experiencing suicidal ideation or engaging in self-harming behaviours.
Get Support Sooner: How Early Intervention Can Make a Difference
Seeking help early can significantly improve your chances of recovery and prevent your condition from worsening. Just as you wouldn’t hesitate to see a doctor for a physical ailment, it’s essential to prioritize your mental well-being.
Taking the Next Step: Connecting with the Right Mental Health Professionals
If you’re concerned about your mental health or recognize any of the signs mentioned above, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Experienced psychiatrists can offer personalized care tailored to your individual needs, including medication management, therapy, and support groups, to help you on your journey to recovery.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to turn, the experts at Promises are here to help. We can connect you with experienced psychiatrists who offer compassionate, confidential support and guidance.
Remember, early intervention is key. Taking that first step towards seeking help can make a significant difference in your well-being. Don’t hesitate to reach out to Promises; we can help you navigate these challenges and find the path towards a healthier, happier you.
In today’s digital age, easy access to pornography has led to a growing concern: pornography addiction. This issue affects individuals across all demographics in Singapore, impacting their relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. This comprehensive guide aims to shed light on porn addiction, its effects, and the path to recovery in the Singaporean context.
Understanding Porn Addiction
Pornography addiction is characterized by compulsive engagement with pornographic material despite negative consequences. It’s a form of behavioural addiction that can lead to significant distress and impairment in various areas of life. While it’s normal to be curious about sexuality, addiction takes over, leading to a loss of control and a preoccupation with pornography that hinders daily functioning.
Taking the First Step: How to Know if You Need Help with Porn Addiction
Shame and judgment often surround porn addiction, making it difficult for individuals to seek help. It’s crucial to understand that addiction is not a moral failing or a sign of weakness, but a treatable condition. Recognizing the signs is the first step towards recovery:
Increased tolerance: Needing more explicit or extreme content to achieve the same level of arousal.
Withdrawal symptoms: Experiencing anxiety, irritability, or difficulty concentrating when trying to reduce or stop pornography use.
Loss of control: Unsuccessful attempts to cut back or quit despite wanting to.
Neglecting responsibilities: Prioritizing pornography consumption over work, relationships, or personal well-being.
Relationship problems: Experiencing intimacy issues, decreased sexual satisfaction with a partner, or engaging in risky sexual behaviours.
Escalating behaviours: Engaging in illegal or harmful activities to access pornography.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with porn addiction, and seeking help is a sign of strength and self-awareness. Overcoming this challenge is possible with the right support and resources.
Why Acting Sooner Matters: The Benefits of Early Intervention for Porn Addiction
Early intervention is not just important—it’s crucial in addressing porn addiction. Think of it like any other health condition: the sooner you address it, the better the chances of recovery and preventing long-term damage.
Here’s why early intervention is so vital in the context of porn addiction:
Preventing Escalation: Porn addiction often progresses. What starts as occasional use can escalate into more frequent and extreme consumption. Early intervention can help prevent the addiction from spiralling into more harmful behaviours, such as risky sexual encounters or illegal activities to access pornography.
Minimizing Negative Consequences: Porn addiction can have devastating effects on various aspects of life, including relationships, work, and mental health. It can lead to isolation, depression, anxiety, and even erectile dysfunction. Early intervention can help minimize these consequences and protect overall well-being.
Increased Treatment Success: Research indicates that individuals who seek help early in their addiction have higher chances of successful recovery. Early intervention allows for timely implementation of therapeutic strategies and prevents the addiction from becoming deeply entrenched.
Recognizing the signs of porn addiction and seeking professional help sooner rather than later can significantly improve your chances of overcoming this challenge and reclaiming a healthy and fulfilling life.
Where to Turn for Help: Resources for Porn Addiction Recovery in Singapore
Recovery from porn addiction is possible with the right support and resources. In Singapore, various organizations and professionals offer specialized treatment:
Promises Healthcare: Our experienced psychiatrists and therapists provide evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to address the underlying causes of addiction and develop healthy coping mechanisms. We offer individual and group therapy in a safe and confidential environment.
National Addictions Management Service (NAMS): This government agency provides counselling and treatment for various addictions, including pornography addiction.
Support groups: Connecting with others facing similar challenges can provide valuable support and encouragement on the journey to recovery.
If you or someone you know is struggling with porn addiction, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Taking that first step is crucial to breaking free and reclaiming a fulfilling life.
Singapore, with its fast-paced lifestyle and high expectations, can be a breeding ground for anxiety. From work pressures to social demands, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. This guide provides valuable insights into understanding anxiety and offers practical coping strategies and resources available in Singapore.
Understanding Anxiety in the Singaporean Context
Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. It’s a complex mental health condition characterized by persistent and excessive fear or worry, often accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, and difficulty concentrating. In Singapore, with its emphasis on achievement and competition, anxiety can manifest in various ways, from social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder to panic attacks and phobias.
Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms
Anxiety can manifest differently in everyone. However, there are some common signs and symptoms to watch out for:
Behavioural: Avoidance of certain situations or activities, difficulty relaxing, excessive reassurance-seeking, changes in eating or sleeping habits.
If you’re experiencing these symptoms regularly and they’re interfering with your daily life, it’s crucial to seek professional help.
Coping Strategies and Resources in Singapore
While anxiety can be challenging, there are effective coping strategies and resources available in Singapore:
Therapy: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a widely recognized and effective therapy for anxiety. It helps identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours.
Support Groups: Connecting with others who understand your struggles can provide invaluable support and encouragement.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety symptoms.
Healthy Lifestyle: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep are crucial for managing anxiety.
Local Helplines: Organizations like the Samaritans of Singapore (1800 221 4444) and the Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline (6389 2222) offer confidential support and crisis intervention.
Seeking Professional Support
Navigating anxiety can be challenging, but with the right support, you can regain control of your life. Experienced therapists provide personalized care and evidence-based therapies, including CBT, to help you manage your anxiety and develop effective coping strategies.
Promises’ experts understand the unique challenges of dealing with anxiety in Singapore and offer a safe and supportive environment to explore your concerns and work towards a brighter future. Reach out to us for a confidential consultation.
I made an analysis of the 10 Rules of Marriage that I found on the internet recently and received several requests for proactive and positive rules that couples can abide by.
Based on what I understand and practise as a relationship expert, I came up withWinifred’s10 “rules” that I hope will encourage you to invest in your marriage or relationship.These rules are derived from the principles used in Gottman Method Couples Therapy as well as Applied Positive Psychology that I am skilled in.
While I call them “rules”, they are not cast in stone. Pick and decide with your partner on the rules that are most relevant to your current stage of relationship. Let’s dive in and look at each of them.
Be a safe harbour to each other
What this means is that you will be the person that your partner will turn to for connection, support, comfort and love. There is intimacy and closeness when you can be your real and authentic self. You also prioritise each other when you make decisions. For this safe harbour to be strong, you make effort to safeguard the relationship by setting clear boundaries on rules of engagement with the opposite sex. You don’t take the marriage for granted. For couples who share the same faith, pray and grow your faith together.
Adopt a growth mindset
Be willing to learn and change, recognising that there are skills that each of you can learn in order to deepen your relationship and connection. Instead of seeing your partner from your own perspective and forming your own conclusions, entertain the possibility of discovering new things about each other. Continue to work on being the best version of yourself for each other. Cultivate self-awareness so that you can continue to reveal your true self to your partner.
Listen, summarise and validate
The first rule in listening to each other is that you’re not both talking at the same time! Unfortunately, I observe the contrary a lot in my couples. After a while, both persons are talking at the same time and no one is listening. Always take turns to speak. To ensure that you are truly listening, make sure that you are able to summarise and validate the point or position of your partner to his/her satisfaction. Always check to see if you’ve heard each other’s side of the story correctly. This is the foundation of good communication.
Practice gratitude
Much research has shown the importance of gratitude not only in the formation of a new relationship but also in the successful maintenance of these intimate bonds. Additionally, the experience of gratitude enables you to feel closer to your partner thereby leading to a greater satisfaction in the relationship. When you are grateful for your relationship, you’re less likely to compare yourself or your partner with someone else. Learn to focus on what is good in your partner and the relationship will become stronger and deeper. Verbalise your gratitude to your partner frequently to minimise the feeling of being underappreciated.
Do small things often
It is more important to show your care and love through tangible actions frequently rather than doing a grand gesture once or twice a year on special occasions. You strengthen the emotional connection between the two of you when you do small acts of service and love to your partner by sending a message to encourage him or her on a challenging day or to share in the joy of small wins. Identify your partner’s love language and show your love accordingly in a way that he or she can receive and appreciate. Thank each other regularly, affirm the virtues you admire in one another and be willing to apologise first to repair any regrettable incidence.
Build a healthy love bank
A “love bank” is a collection of what makes you feel connected, cared for and valued by your partner. The concept is similar to a normal bank account where there are deposits and withdrawals. When you build more positive interactions with your partner, your emotional love bank account flourishes. You feel safe and secure. Even if you have a “withdrawal” (for example, a small argument), it doesn’t feel too threatening. You know that you have sufficient amount in that will not result in a deficit. When you notice that your partner or you are getting more annoyed and easily triggered,there is a danger that you may need an overdraft. For example, things that don’t usually bother you about your partner’s behaviour, irritate you now. Pay attention to it and put in effort to increase the emotional connection. Ways to increase your love bank include understanding your partner’s inner world, showing fondness and admiration, and turning towards his or her bids for connection. Repeat #3, #4 and #5. Be mindful not to turn this into a game of reciprocity where comparisons are made on who’s done more.
Approach conflict with curiosity
The ability to regulate conflicts is critical to the success of a relationship. When you address your differences adequately, they are less likely to snowball into a massive conflict. When you find yourself in a different position from that of your partner, be curious and ask questions about his or her position so that you can deepen your understanding of your partner. What happens more often than not is an assumption is made that your partner is making your life difficult by being oppositional or disagreeable. This perception is detrimental as you begin to assume the worst in each other. Those who are conflict-avoidant often find it challenging to regulate their own emotions and the emotions of their partner during conflicts. It’s important for them to learn the skill to call for a break so that they can self-soothe before continuing with the emotionally-charged conversation. When you are curious and re-frame your conflict as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other, the differences become less daunting.
Be playful and laugh a lot
Recall the time when you first got together: there were easy conversations, plenty of laughter and fun. As you progress to different stages of the relationship, responsibilities and burdens will increase. As such, it is easy to slip into a routine and forget about having fun together. Cultivate and utilise your sense of humour as it is a good way to connect with your partner and to lift the mood when the going gets tough. Watch comedies, share jokes and funny stories so that you can laugh together. If you have kids, laugh with them too. Life is hard and it will be harder when we take everything too seriously.
Support each other’s dreams
Couples who decide to be committed and marry each other usually have dreams in mind. When you are not intentional in having such an important conversation with your partner about their dreams, it is easy to be consumed by day-to-day tasks and activities that you forget the big picture. Take time to find out and revisit your partner’s dreams regularly. Initiate such conversations when you’d like to take a new direction in your life. You can enhance your relationship by creating shared meaning and dreams. Common ones include building a family and home together, finding a cause that’s meaningful for you to support, creating impact through the work that you do either professionally or in the community you serve. Discussion of such dreams is important as it will affect the decisions that you make as a couple and family.
Accept influence and compromise
It is impossible to always find agreement between two individuals. Therefore being able to accept influence and compromise is key to the success of the relationship.Accepting influence is about developing your ability to find a point of agreement in your partner’s position. It is not about insisting that you’re right or finding evidence that your partner is wrongall the time. In accepting influence, it doesn’t mean that you need to change into someone you are not. You need to have a good sense of who you are at your core, and be sure to protect it so that you are not coerced into becoming someone else. If you make the decision to be the person that your partner needs you to be, accept your responsibility for that decision rather than blaming it on your partner. The challenge in accepting influence is really about relinquishing your control and preferences some of the time to prioritise the needs of your partner.
I’d really love to hear what you think of these “rules” and which might be the ones that you will focus on cultivating and practicing. Feel free to email me your thoughts and questions.
If you find this blog post helpful, you have my permission to share it with your friends and family.
